Like so many said, the second trimester ushered in a time of near pregnant bliss. Nausea–gone. Fatigue–vanished. Energy–returned. Palate–normalized. It felt almost too good to be true. When I went in for my 14 week appointment, I waited with bated breath to hear the peanut’s heartbeat. I thought, I’ve felt so non-pregnant, could it be that something happened since my last prenatal visit? I felt relief when I heard that whooshing sound again.

I spent the last four days at a conference where I was on my feet all day, doing interviews, leading workshops, and eating really, really crappy food. I came home exhausted and ready for a recovery day. Then I woke up with a splitting headache and, much to my dismay, full on nausea. Like, intense morning sickness nausea. After a few saltines, it went away temporarily, but I ended up with my head in the toilet an hour later. God, let this be an isolated event.

The unpredictability of pregnancy has been one of the toughest parts for me to accept. Never knowing when I’m going to have a headache, or when a sneeze will cause searing pain around my uterus, or when I’m going to have to run for the bathroom to puke has left me feeling so depressed. I’m someone who thrives in sticking to a routine, and it’s been months since I’ve been able to stick to one for more than a few days.

I know what most people would say. “This is just preparing you for life with a baby.” To that I said, “F*** off.” Now go get me some crackers.