Ok, so sake of clarification, I cross the “week mark” for pregnancy on Thursdays and usually have time to write on Mondays. So although I say things like 12 weeks, today I was actually 12 weeks 4 days. Which is pretty darn close to second trimester for peets sake.

Cue my first spotting of this pregnancy.

And my subsequent meltdown.

I noticed it first, mid-morning some light brown. I tried using my brain and said “Self. Remember that the doctor said that spotting is possible. This is not alarming.”

I was doing pretty well with this until mid-afternoon, when I was out running errands and had to go to the bathroom (oh pregnancy). And realized that there was dark blood on my underwear. And panicked. Full on out panicked.

I called my doctors office from the bathroom stall to leave a question on the nurse line. I sleepwalked out of the store with my purchases. I started imagining the worst in the car ride home. I was picturing just how awful to think I was just out of the woods and to not to be. I started crying. I finally made it home, sat with a cup of tea and my dog feeling really crummy.

About an hour after the initial call, the nurse gave me a call back and after hearing my symptoms and asking some questions said that she wasn’t concerned, but to rest for tonight. And that if I was worried, I could come in today or tomorrow and they would do a quick heartbeat check to put my mind at ease. Which at that particular moment, struck me as the nicest thing someone had ever said to me, immediately causing me to burst into tears. I tried my best to get off the phone–I was relieved she wasn’t concerned and I didn’t really think driving to the clinic in my current hot mess state was the best idea. And then I called the fella and proceeded to sob on the phone while telling him this. I at least tried to start off my conversation with “I sound much worse than the actual situation is.”

So there you go. I’m still slightly spotting, but feel reassured. If it continues tomorrow, I may take the nicest-nurse-on-earth up on her offer for a heartbeat check, even if I feel really dumb having an appointment the next day. Ugh, I’m exhausted.