My husband and I just got back from six glorious days in Isla Mujeres, Mexico. We booked this trip back in November in anticipation of our annual mid-winter blues when we are just over the cold and have to escape. I worried that my early pregnancy might prove to be bothersome, but other than subbing virgin drinks for cocktails, it was fine. When I wasn’t lounging by the pool with a book, I had plenty of energy to kayak and swim laps.

The only food weirdness–not really an aversion–I have seemed to develop so far is to dessert. DESSERT. My favorite part of the day ever since I was a kid! But now, the thought of eating a piece of chocolate doesn’t appeal to me at all. However, I did manage to pick out all of the dried pineapple out of our trail mix, so my sweet tooth isn’t totally gone. On our first day there we met another couple who is expecting their first child in June. She assured me that in the second trimester, my palette would mostly return to normal, and I’d want ice cream again. Thank God.

Being away from home and all of the stress of work gave me lots of time to reflect on my pregnancy and how so much is still uncertain. Like mannacakepie said back in January, I still struggle with wrapping my mind around the fact that I’m actually forming a human being inside of me. It feels so abstract, especially when I’m talking to women late in their pregnancies. I have no bump, no ultrasound. Sometimes on our trip I felt like a poser for skipping the alcohol, like I was doing it for shits and giggles.

In times of transition, it’s always my inclination to want to speed things along rather than finding joy in the moment. I distinctly remember feeling that during our 15-month engagement. It felt like we would never get to the actual wedding day, and yet as I look back, that time was wonderful in its own way. All of the preparation was what solidified the relationship I had with my partner. The wedding was a blip in time, but the engagement was a process.

As much as I’d like the validation of some kind of “proof” of my pregnancy, I am trying my best to slow down and enjoy this moment in the process. If nothing else, I’m enjoying the fact that I can still fit into my skinny jeans.

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