Stars: like the one’s I’ve been seeing
photo credit: Adam Foster | Codefor via photopin cc

I’m back from traveling: yay! And I don’t need to travel again until April: yayyyyy!

It’s been a funny few weeks of symptoms around here. I’ve seemed to have been jumping between nausea, fatigue, and faintness as the ailment I whine about. And actually, the time while actually being elsewhere, I felt pretty good. I think that actually having someone else prepare food and set it in front of me saying “eat this” actually takes a lot of the angst out of the food process. Like if I could magically afford remarkably healthy take-out for the next four weeks I would feel better. I may try Trader Joes today to see if I can find “things that you put in the oven that require no actual contact with ingredients.” Because since coming home I’ve eaten a lot of toast. And cereal. And surely food with more substance is better for you.

Which brings me to my dramatic thing of the day. The good news about nausea and fatigue is that I’ve mostly been able to hide them at work. I may not be feeling great, but because I’m not actively sick, most people haven’t really needed to notice. Faintness, however, is a different story.

I speak in front of people, fairly regularly as an important part of my job. I’m good at it and enjoy it a lot, and as I’m now a few years in, I may get a little flutter of nervousness but most of the time feel pretty competent and in control. Until yesterday, when in the middle of speaking I started getting lightheaded with stars in my eyes, until I finally no longer could read the words on the page and had to sit down in an emergency-like fashion! Apparently, it was pretty shocking to others. Thank goodness I was almost at the end, and afterwards was able to run off to my office and drink some juice to bring blood sugar up. As you can imagine, this has now left many well meaning souls concerned about me, and me really concerned about ALL THE OTHER TIMES I NEED TO NOT FAINT IN FRONT OF PEOPLE.

I managed to get through the rest of the day, and where I was at I could tuck an emergency stool behind me (I realize that could sound gross, you know, a really tall stool, so if I need to sit down I can still be seen). But now I have a brand new, previously unknown fear to add to public speaking. And I’m trying to decide if this means that I need to announce the pregnancy earlier than I had planned, because I really would not like people to find out by suddenly losing consciousness in front of them.

We’ll see. I have my doctors appointment today, and I am looking forward to asking her for management suggestions around faintness. Thinking for next week, I could try speaking from a chair, but that is so unusual for me that even that will have folks talking. Ugh. In the scheme of problems, this is not a huge one, but a little more exciting than I was expecting!